My first birthday without my father

This is my first birthday without my father. One of the saddest birthdays of my life without my father who died last June 10. I spent the day in the family business working on with the plans I made with my parents days before dad passed away. I hide the pain especially in front of mom. I cried at times when I’m alone. I go on with life trying to be strong and trying to focus on things to be done.

I must move on and I know that but life will never be complete because I lost a part of me. I am a chair with a broken leg still trying to stand amidst my father’s absence. Before his 40 days, once I smelled a candle and twice I smelled funeral flowers. I just wish that my father will from time to time make me feel his presence and still in his way guide me as I go on with life.

The pain of losing my father

It was morning of June 7 when I received a call from my husband saying that my father was rushed to the hospital. According to my sister’s SMS, our father is in serious condition. I just took a bath and flew right away to San Juan Hospital. When I arrived I saw my father lying in hospital bed with different patches on his body and he’s unconscious. I found myself whispering words to his ear telling him to fight for his grandchildren. He needed to undergo a citiscan to know what happened to him.

After his citiscan, we transferred him to St. Martin de Porres where my sister had contact with a resident doctor. After viewing the x-ray plate the bad news sounded like a big bang. The doctor said that our father’s brain stem blew up and he only had 48 hours the most. He died June 10 at 2am. 

Just a few days before he had stroke, we’re talking on some plans about our family business. The 3 (me, mom and dad) of us are still laughing while having that last moment with dad as we wait for my husband to fetch me. Last summer vacation also was the first time where my 2 kids spent their vacation in Manila. I remember my father telling me naughty things my youngest used to do when they’re all at home. He even had a happy celebration at home for his 64th birthday and then after 2 weeks his gone.

Up to now I felt the pain of losing my beloved father. I am not sure if time heals all wounds. I know for sure I can never get over with it until we meet each other again. That’s how I love my father.